


Falling Apart

by Kyoukalay



Series: Dark stories for PL [1]
Category: Layton Kyouju Series | Professor Layton Series
Genre: Angst, Comfort wins, Crying, F/M, Finding comfort, Growing close due to trauma, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Protectiveness, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:35:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23176324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyoukalay/pseuds/Kyoukalay
Summary: Emmy has to live with the consequences of her decision. Will it make her lose her way? Or will someone save her?
Relationships: Emmy Altava/Hershel Layton
Series: Dark stories for PL [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735444
Kudos: 17





	1. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone: Right after Azran Legacy. Emmy thinks about how her actions will affect her life from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Will have strong depictions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. There is also minor swearing.

''Fuck…fuck fuck fuck fuck….''

She paced through her apartment, still unbelieving of that which had transpired. She had to turn and betray the professor and Luke. The two people she had started to care for so much. The two people she had started to rely on more than she had began to admit these past couple of years.

Uncle Bronev had always been so important to her...He had saved her from a terrible childhood and an early death. She had promised him she would never leave his side for as long as she lived...and now? He was in prison. Now, he had turned into a horrible man who had no problem killing an innocent little girl. Surely he would've never done anything to her, right? He wouldn't have...

She looked up in the mirror in her bathroom and wiped away the tears that had started to form in the corners of her eyes.

_I'm not a little girl anymore._

She had learned so much from him and from Targent and she would forever be grateful. But now...she was alone. She had no place to go.

''I'm alone…''

She couldn't go back to the professor. She had betrayed him and she would never forgive herself. She had already said her goodbye as well...He said she would always be welcomed back, but she knew he was lying.

_I should really just stop._

Stop trying. Stop living…

Her lifeless reflection stared back in the mirror.

_What's the point really?_

A wave of anger rushed through her body. Without thinking, she raised her fist and smashed it against the mirror, causing it to splinter. She breathed hard and shuddered as the warm blood trickled down her fingers. The red quickly stained her bathroom sink, slowly dribbling down the drain. She moved her hand back from the mirror and watched the pieces of glass fall down. She could no longer see herself. Thank god she could no longer see herself.

She grabbed one of the glass shards and pushed it against her throat. Was she going to do it? Just...end it all?

The sharp edge began to cut the skin in her neck. Her pulse sped up. Her breathing increased, her hand started to tremble and sweat ran down her back.

Could she really do this?

The alluring promise of silence and eternal peace was so close. Only a push away.

She loosened the grip and screamed. She screamed until her lungs had started to burn. She screamed until she couldn't breath. Tears pricked the small cut on her throat.

_It's not enough._

She tightened her grip around the shard again and moved it close to her face. With her other hand, she grabbed a piece from her hair and pressed it against the edge. Pieces of brown locks dwindled to the ground soon after.

She breathed hard when she could no longer feel her hair dance on her shoulders. She didn't know why she had done this, but it felt good. It felt like the start of something. The start of change.

The shard slipped out of her hand and onto the floor.

* * *

She had no idea how long she had been sitting on her bathroom floor, but she could tell it had been a while from the loss of feeling in her legs. She tried her best to get up and move to the living room.

What was she going to do now?

She wanted to punish herself. Punishment for what she had done and for what she had inflicted.

Would she be able to just really hurt herself? Or could she do anything more...

From what had previously happened in the bathroom...she was sure she didn't have the courage.

She moved to her bedroom and started to remove her adventuring gear. The yellow colour from her jacket made her feel sick. She didn't want to be reminded of her time with them. She never wanted to see it again. She tossed it into her closet and grabbed one of her worn down grey t-shirts.

It was dirty and full of holes...perfect for someone like her.

She sat down on her bed and sighed. A heavy feeling consumed her body. She needed sleep. Sleep would be good. Sleep would be nothing. Sleep would be nowhere.

She laid down and stared at the ceiling. She wondered if anyone would care if she never woke up again. The professor and Luke wouldn't come looking for her anymore. She didn't have any family or friends. She didn't have a job. Nothing. Nobody.

She closed her eyes. The aching pain in her hand and her throat quickly faded, when she fell to the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have some dark thoughts locked away...sometimes I'd like to write them down.


	2. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Found: Two week have passed. Emmy is not doing well. She misses a forgotten appointment with inspector Grosky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Will have strong depictions of self-harm and suicide attemps.

_What day is it?_

Not that it mattered.

Her apartment had grown dark and bleak. Just like her. She looked down at her bandaged arms through her bangs and grimaced at the dark red spots that blemished the originally white bind. She hadn't bothered to change them. It wasn't like she was really taking care of herself anyway.

Her whole body ached.

_I should eat._

She was right. Food had been a problem since the beginning. At first, she had completely forgotten to eat for the first couple of days. She had mostly tried to sleep and forget about her problems, but her body would catch up eventually. When she did eat, it would be hard to keep down. Food had started tasting bland or sometimes downright disgusting. She couldn't even remember why she used to love it so much.

She got up from the floor with a grunt, legs wobbling from the lack of nutrition. Her once strong legs that could take down men twice her size. She walked over to the fridge and opened the door.

There was barely anything left.

She grabbed a half rotten pear and took a bite from the non-spoiled side. Her stomach wretched. She had to use all her strength to keep the bite down.

She wouldn't last like this.

Not that she wanted to.

Over the past few weeks, she had tried many things. She tried to cut her throat on the first day, but that didn't give her much besides a haircut. She tried to hang herself the next day with a towel she had wrapped around the heater in her bathroom. She had gotten fairly close to choking herself to death...but chickened out at the last second. The day after that, she found some strange form of peace that pushed her to keep on trying...that didn't last. Finally, she had tried to drown herself in her bathwater. Who knew that the human body naturally switches to survival mode in that situation...

And now? She was waiting...waiting for her body to simply give up.

The pain had helped. The pain from starving herself. The pain from the cuts on her arms and wrists. It all helped. After her little hairdresser adventure, she felt the need to find another way to make her feel anything. Simply digging her nails into her skin, or punching herself in the gut wasn't enough. Then she had finally found the courage to pick up a knife again...

Her memories had turned hazy. She wanted to forget. To forget all the memories they had made together. It was unfortunate that her dreams, or better said nightmares, didn't agree with her on that. Constantly reminding her of her failure. Of her betrayal. Of her worthlessness.

She threw the leftover pear in the trash bin. The pear unceremoniously fell from the overflowing pile, onto the floor. Another thing she didn't care about.

She moved back to the spot she had chosen in her living room, where she had spent the past day and a half. The ground was cold. Cold to her bare legs and feet. She hadn't bothered keeping herself comfortable with warm clothes. A dirty, blood stained t-shirt was all she deserved.

She turned her head to the salon table to her right, where a knife had been placed on top. It called out to her. Chanting her name.

The first time she had cut her arm, she felt an intense high. She was proud somewhere, that she was able to draw blood. The warm, fascinating liquid had dribbled down her arm.

It had felt so good.

But now...after the blood had dried up. After the high had subsided, she only felt regret.

She reached over and stroked the hilt of the knife. She wanted to feel that high one more time. Or maybe a couple more times...Maybe she would finally find the courage to just end it and cut deep enough to reach that certain vital point.

A knock startled her out of her trance.

_What..._

Maybe they knocked on the wrong door?

Another knock.

_Professor Layton? Bronev? My neighbour? The police?_

Many options raced through her mind. She removed her hand from the knife and got up from up spot slowly. She placed both of her hands over her mouth, afraid she would make any sound to indicate her presence.

Nobody should find her like this.

''Emmy? Are you there?''

_The appointment!_

She had completely forgotten.

''Emmy? We had an appointment yesterday afternoon, remember? I thought maybe you had forgotten so I tried to call…'' Grosky yelled.

Emmy glanced over to the phone next to the door. There was no reason for anyone to want to contact her...but just in case, she had cut the wire anyway.

She leaned against the cubbart from her kitchen, slightly trembling from the cold and the nerves. She doubted if she should speak up. Maybe she could lie to him and say she wouldn't be able to come over anymore. Bronev would want to know why though...He would ask questions. The appointment was made right after Bronev's arrest. He wanted to talk to her about Targent and everything related to Bronev. Everything that was hard to talk about right now.

How could she have forgotten that...

_I should have left London._

''Emmy…?'' Grosky tried once more.

She heard him huff. He wasn't the kind of person to give up easily, she knew.

Suddenly, without warning, the door handle turned and the door opened. Emmy's heart leapt into her throat. She reached over to stop the door from opening any further, but...she was too late. It was a shame that she wasn't as fast as she used to be.

''Sorry to barge in like this but I'm a little….'' Grosky started as he entered the room.

His eyes widened in shock. In front of the door with a shocked face, was Emmy. Emmy, with her arms and neck covered in bandages and bandaids. Emmy, with blood stains on her shirt and face. Emmy...with dark bags under her red eyes.

''Worried…''

Emmy was trembling. He had seen her.

_He knows._

''GET OUT.'' She screamed after finally finding her voice.

''But…'' Grosky wanted to retaliate.

He couldn't get another word in, since Emmy barged forward and pushed the door shut, forcing him outside.

_Why didn't I lock the door?! How could I have been so careless!_

Grosky jumped back in the hallway, still processing all that was happening. Emmy quickly locked the door and slumped down to the ground. She was breathing hard and tears streamed down her cheeks.

The inspector had seen her. In this state.

She waited and listened for a while. Listened to hear if he had left. She hadn't heard his footsteps leave...but he couldn't still be there without saying anything, right?

After some silence, she moved up from the door, thinking he had left. She turned around and her eyes landed back on the knife. The ache to grab returned with a vengeance.

''Emmy…''

Emmy stopped in her tracks, her heart jumping in her chest.

_He didn't leave._

''I'll be back in about half an hour. Please...don't do anything rash.''

And with that Grosky's heavy footsteps finally ran off. He had been listening as well. He had been waiting, trying to find the right word. The right thing to do.

He hoped sincerely that he wasn't too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, in no way, want to glorify this type of behaviour. As someone who has experienced this train of thought and similar scenarios, I want you to know that there will always be people who care. There will be better days. Remember that.


	3. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Help: Grosky gets help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Will have strong depictions of self-harm and suicide attemps.

Emmy had frozen up completely. It had been around 20 minutes since Grosky left her with the promise he would return.

He had seen her...He had barged in and seen her.

_''I'll be back in about half an hour. Please...don't do anything rash.''_

She knew exactly what he was implying. The thing she had been too afraid to do. Too afraid to actually get done. The thing she really, really wanted to do right now...

She wanted nothing more than to grab the knife on her salon table and slit her throat. She wanted to jump out of her apartment window. She wanted to smash her head against the kitchen counter. All of those things...she wanted to do...but still couldn't. She had frozen up in place, trembling slightly for what was to come.

He could be here any moment...with someone that would stop her from doing anything.

Who would he get? Who would be able to stop her? Would he ring up his buddies at Scotland Yard and throw her in a cell. That would certainly stop her...

A wave of reality struck her. She could feel control return to her body, as if her soul had returned. She turned her head forward and thought about what to do. Should she run? Should she fight? Should she actually...just do it?

She moved towards the table and grabbed the hilt of the knife.

_What did it feel like again?_

She moved the knife down to her leg and stared at her own reflection on the side of the blade.

_Maybe if I could lose enough blood...my body is already pretty much done anyway..._

She gripped the knife tightly and pushed the side into her flesh. She hissed softly, as the warm, comforting liquid ran down her leg, over her foot and onto the floor.

_Not enough._

She moved the knife to her other leg and repeated the action. Her knees started to wobble, clearly not dealing well with the pain. The strength she regained left her form and she crashed to the ground. The cold floor felt like a decent final resting place. She closed her eyes and wondered if this would be enough. Wondered if she had been on time. Wondered if she shouldn't have cut her atteries after all.

She heard faint voices outside her door.

_Three people?_

She wasn't sure. She couldn't really hear them. Her consciousness was fading.

They were knocking on the door, that much she could still hear. Someone called out her name. They probably would too, if it was someone she cared about. They shouldn't care though...she wasn't worthy of their care.

She felt so sleepy. She hadn't slept in some time.

_I should sleep._

* * *

''We should force the door. This can't be good.'' Grosky grumbled.

''I agree. We need to tend to her as soon as possible, if she is as bad in a condition as you described.'' The doctor responded.

Grosky moved back and took a stance. After what he had seen before, he knew he had to act fast. Emmy had been a dear friend for some years and he would not want anything bad to happen to her. After she had locked him out of her apartment, he hurriedly ran over to the first phone he could find. He dialed a few numbers that might have been able to help.

First, he called a good friend of his that happened to be one of the doctors that always helped out during police investigation for Scotland Yard. Arnold Frederickson was his name. Grosky quickly explained the situation and urged the good man to come over right away.

Doctor Frederickson happened to have a day off, and promised to arrive at the given address as soon as possible. The next number Grosky called was prison Belmarch. This was where Bronev had been stored for the time being. He called the staff to ask if Bronev was still present, which he was glad to hear, he was. This meant Bronev wasn't doing this to her. Although, that meant she had been doing this to herself. That was bad news...

The next number on the list made Grosky hesitate for a moment. He wasn't sure if HE would be able to help her in this state. But...it felt right to at least let him know. A clever man like that would figure out some kind of solution...he hoped.

The line quickly connected to Gressenheller University. The phone was picked up by the lovely receptionist who always answered when Grosky rang. Soon after, he was transferred to the office of Professor Hershel Layton. Luke Triton answered the phone at first. Clever lad. Always at Layton's side. He was surely too young to deal with matters like these. Grosky asked if he could speak to Layton directly. Luke passed over the phone.

Grosky explained the situation to the professor. He listened silently. After Grosky finished, the professor asked where she resided at the moment. He would come over as right away. It made sense. He cared for her too.

Grosky launched forward and kicked the door open. Luckily her apartment was quite old, making it an easy door to break through. The three men ran into her apartment and stopped in shock at the sight they found on the ground before them.

Emmy laid there with her hair fallen over her face and an increasing puddle of blood around her legs.

Was she...

The doctor rushed forward towards her body. He placed his fingers against her throat to check her pulse and sighed when he could feel a faint beat.

''It's shallow, but she's breathing. I know it looks really bad right now, but I would like to examine her first before we take her any place else.''

Grosky and the professor both sighed out the breath they had been holding, happy to hear that she was still alive. They moved closer and helped the doctor place her on the couch.

''I'm going to clean her cuts and rebandage them. Grosky, if you could please get my bag.''

Grosky nodded and ran back into the hallway to retrieve the doctor's bag. The professor in the meantime moved closer to Emmy's head and wiped away the stray hair out of her face. Her face was incredibly pale and her eyes were swollen. He could tell she had been crying a lot.

''Emmy…''

He couldn't believe his eyes. His once strong assistant looked so small and broken.

_I should have been here for her._

''Do you have any idea what has made her act this way?'' The doctor asked while taking off the dirty bandages from her arms.

''I think...it might have something to do with the recent changes in her life. I...didn't know. I didn't think...it would affect her like this. She...always seemed so strong.''

He could feel tears well up. He had to control it.

Grosky soon returned with the medical supplies. Doctor Frederickson got to work and quickly cleaned every cut on her body. He concluded after some investigating that she had been severely sleep deprived, starving herself and hurting herself for a while now.

Every bit of news felt like a punch in the gut.

After the doctor had finished, grosky wrapped a blanket over her body.

''She must have been freezing…'' He murmured.

He joined the other two in the kitchen, where they stayed silent for a moment to process the situation.

''Should we take her to a hospital?'' Grosky asked.

''I don't think it's necessary. Although she is definitely not okay, it's mostly mental. A psychiatrist would be better to be honest.'' the doctor suggested.

''I don't know if she would be open for that right now.'' The professor mumbled in a low voice.

''Well we can't leave her alone that's for sure. From what I can tell from the marks in her neck, she had tried to take her own life.'' The doctor remarked.

Grosky and the professor looked up at the doctor with a sad expression. They didn't want to hear it, but they knew it was true. It was all too clear.

''I'll take her.'' The professor said after some time.

The other two men looked up at him in surprise.

''I wish to help her…'' He added. ''I'll take as much time off as needed so she won't be alone. I need to know why she has been doing this to herself. She is a dear friend and...I just...''

''It's okay Layton. Doctor, if you would be so kind to visit her a few days per week until she is better, that would be great.

The doctor agreed.


	4. Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stop: Emmy doesn't want help, but she needs it desperately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise
> 
> Warning: Will have strong depictions of self-harm.

He scavenged around for a few items in Emmy's wardrobe. She would need some clothing that would be comfortable, her toiletries and a pajamas.

_I could always drive back._

If she needed anything else. Right now, all that mattered was that she was safe and taken care of. He had decided to take her back to his place. She would be out of the toxic environment that was her current home and he would be able to stay with her 24 hours a day.

His own apartment was no mansion of any sort, but he had enough space to house them both. It had actually been a while since the gent had seen his own bed, since he usually spent his nights in either his study, or on the couch in Gressenheller Uni. He had rung up Luke and explained how it would be better for the boy to stay with his parents for now. He was going to need the guest room after all. Luke wished to know if Emmy was alright, which the professor found difficult to answer. He told him she was going to be fine and he would hopefully be able to visit soon. For now, he urged the boy to be patient and wait for his word.

He leaned against the wardrobe in Emmy's bedroom and stared at the red spots on her blanket and pillowcase. He wondered how much she had actually tried. How much he could have prevented. The thought alone made him feel dizzy.

He sucked in a deep breath and grabbed the brim of his hat. He needed to get his emotions in check. He needed to be strong. For her.

He moved back to the living room, where Grosky and doctor Frederickson were waiting. They looked at each other with sorrow, none of them saying another word. The professor made sure Emmy was decent to leave her apartment and lifted her up in his arms. He made sure the blanket was tugged tightly around her body so she would be nice and warm.

''I'll manage from here. If you two could please take care of the apartment.''

Grosky and the doctor nodded. They had already cleaned up most of the blood on the floor and called a repairman for the door. The professor moved out of the room in the hallway and looked back one last time at his companions.

''Good luck.'' Grosky mumbled.

* * *

As he approached the Layton Mobile, he noticed how the street was empty.

_Thank god it's wednesday._

It would be quite the sight after all, a man carrying an unconscious woman covered in bruises and cuts and placing her into his car. One might think.

He gently placed her in the passenger's seat and leaned her head against the window. He hoped she wouldn't wake before they got home. His apartment was only a 20 minute drive away, but the ride filled him with anxiety anyway. During the turns, the little bag with medical supplies jostled around in the backseat. He had received some medicine and other supplies from the doctor, so he would be able to treat her correctly. The doctor had promised to visit the next day and bring along some more.

He glanced over to her every once in a while to check if she was still breathing. Somewhere he felt scared that she wouldn't wake up at all. He had to talk to her...he had to tell her that she is not alone. That she is cared for. To ask her...why?

He parked the car in front of his apartment and turned the engine off. He looked outside to see if any pedestrians were present, but thankfully found the street to be clear.

He concluded that it might be better to open the front door first before getting Emmy out.

After he had opened the front door, dropped off the bags and turned on the lights, he moved back to the car again. He opened the door carefully and caught her before she fell outside. He scooped her up and carefully moved her out of the car.

He was surprised how light she felt. He was sure Emmy was never heavy to begin with, but this felt...wrong.

Once he finally got inside, he felt unsure what to do next. He noticed the chill that had filled up his home, making it uninviting and cold. Her apartment had been cold too. He was sure she had made it so on purpose...to punish herself even more. He placed the girl on the couch and turned to the thermostat to turn up the heat. He wanted to make sure she would be comfortable here.

Hopefully...she would wake soon.

* * *

She watched him walk away from her through half-lidded eyes. She didn't recognise her surroundings at first, but realised quickly that the professor was the one to have been holding her. She wanted to say something. She wanted to scream and struggle her way out of his arms. She wanted to get away from the man and never see him again. How could she stay by his side? After all that had happened...

She couldn't...

A dull aching pain affected her legs badly. She remembered what she did. What she had tried to do. A pain shot through her heart when she realised that she wasn't...dead. She had failed again.

The professor turned around in the meantime and finally noticed her open eyes.

''Emmy…''

She could tell how worried he was. It was written all over his face. She didn't want to see it. That face...

* * *

Her eyes were dull, devoid of any light. She looked like she had completely given up.

His heart ached.

It hurt to see her like this.

''Emmy..'' He repeated. ''Can you...talk?''

She turned her face to the ceiling and frowned. She looked like she was contemplating if she should or not.

''I'm here for you. You can rely on me.'' He added. ''I'm going to make sure everything is ready for your stay here. You're at my apartment by the way. It seemed...better, you know, to get you out of there.''

She didn't respond.

''I'll be back in a bit. You can call out if you need anything okay?''

No answer.

He sighed inwardly and moved up from his spot beside her. What could he do to make her respond to him. What could he do to get her out of this downward spiral?

He moved around the house and got everything ready. He had decided she would sleep in his bed, since it was larger and more comfortable. He himself would stay in the guestroom next door, where Luke usually slept. He thought about how he would proceed the rest of the evening and how to actually take care of her. He decided he should start with making her something to eat. She looked like she really needed it.

He moved back into his living room and to his surprise, found her on the floor, halfway through the living room. She was breathing heavy and reaching out for the front door. To his shock, her fingers and arms were covered in blood.

_How did she...?_

''Emmy!'' He shouted while quickly running over to her side.

He tried to pick her up, but was shoved aside by a weak arm.

''No…'' She whispered.

Tears had started to fall on the carpet below. Up close he could tell she had opened up the wounds on her arms, which were bleeding profoundly. Her legs must have been too weak to stand on, evidently from the new bruises on her knees on which she had fallen.

''What are you…?'' He asked, grabbing her by the shoulders.

''I...want to...die.'' She answered, shattering his heart into tiny pieces. ''Please...just let me leave.''

Thick streams of tears poured down her face.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know…

He forced her close to his chest, burying her face against his shoulder.

''I'm not going to let you die Emmy. You will recover from this. We will, together.''

How was he supposed to help her?

''Just stop…'' She cried into his shoulder. ''...Stop.''

''Never.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of darkness in this story. I am aware. Look at some kitty vid's in between chapters, that's my advice.


	5. Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginnings: The professor takes Emmy into his home and starts caring for her. She continues to protest, but finds it harder to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise
> 
> Warning: Will have strong depictions of self-harm.

She felt so weak. So incredibly weak.

When he lifted her up in his arms. When she struggled to get loose. When he pulled her close to him. She had hurt him again. She had lost. It felt so bad...

She didn't know how much time had passed since they had huddled up on the ground. She had stopped crying but continued to sniffle every once in a while. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around her body and picked her up. She didn't have any more strength to struggle. She looked up carefully, afraid of what she might see. He didn't look back at her. He stared straight ahead with little to no emotion on his face.

_Almost as if he can't stand the sight of me..._

He walked towards the back of his apartment, where several closed doors could be seen. She had never really been there before and found herself curious to see the insides. The few times she had visited were either to get him for work or to drop something off. Somewhere in the beginning of her time with him, she remembered she had baked him a cake in his kitchen. She had just started out as his assistant and wanted to impress him. He told her she had already impressed him with her skills during their first adventure in MistHallery. She still wanted to impress him though...in a way he hadn't seen before. She wanted him to know she had a feminine side to her...A delicate side.

 _Delicate_ ...she scoffed inwardly. _More like fragile._

He clumsily opened one of the doors to the right side of the hallway, revealing a bedroom. A strong smell filled her nose, sending shivers down her spine. She immediately recognized the odor. That smell that she only got a whiff of when she could stand close to him without him knowing. Or sometimes when he had stayed overnight in the office, the odor would linger everywhere. She loved this smell.

His smell...

She grasped his shirt and buried her face against his shoulder, not willing to show him how much she was blushing. She adored this man and everything here made that apparent. He could never know...

He moved inside, unaware of the blushing brunette in his arms and stopped next to the twin bed in the middle of the room. He gently lowered her on top of the mattress, surprised to see her lie down without protest. He hesitated for a moment about what to do next.

_I should probably start with food._

''You know…'' Emmy interrupted his thoughts. ''I could stay here, regain my strength and than just walk out...you do realise that, right?''

A pain shot through him, aware that he could do little to stop her once she had recovered.

Emmy didn't know why she was being so harsh to him. He didn't deserve this. He was the one person she never wanted to be hated by. She wanted so badly to just run away and disappear from his life, so she would be able to erase him from her mind. and heart...

Maybe if she kept the bitch act up, he would stop caring. He would stop trying.

'' _Never.''_ His words from before repeated through her mind.

She averted her gaze, her own words leaving a bad taste in her mouth.

He pulled the blanket over her and sighed.

''I'll go get you some medicine and fresh bandages. Please stay here for now my dear.''

_My dear._

The words pained her. How could he still say that? How could he still be a gentleman to her? Would anyone get upset over this situation? Shouldn't he tell her to stop this nonsense? She didn't get it...

She closed her eyes and waited for him to leave. There was no point in arguing. She had no strength to do so anyway.

The professor left the bedroom and closed the door behind him. He moved a little further, but stopped in his tracks to slump against the wall.

_How am I going to get through to her?_

There probably wasn't a hint coin in the world that would help him find the answer. He rubbed his tired eyes and moved back up. For some reason this whole ordeal had exhausted him. He walked over to the living room, where he had left the medical supplies provided to him by doctor Frederickson. He quickly got everything out which he deemed necessary and carried it back to the bedroom. To his relief, she had moved back up in a seated position with her arms on top of the blanket, ready to receive treatment. He sat down next to her on the bed and started cleaning the blood from her arms.

''Inspector Grosky and doctor Frederickson from Scotland Yard will come by tomorrow morning to see how you are doing. I'm not sure if you had noticed, but they were present this afternoon as well, when...when we found you.''

He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to try to get her to open up.

''Hm.'' She hummed.

''They would like to send over a psychiatrist as well...for you to talk to. I suggested this might be too early. Maybe you…''

''No. I don't. That psychiatrist can stay away. So do Grosky and that doctor. You can also leave.'' Emmy said coldly.

Her eyes were unfocused and her expression harsh. She was no longer the bubbly assistant he had by his side all those years. She seemed like a completely different person.

The professor could feel something resembling anger bubble up inside of him. He sighed to calm his growing annoyance and continued to silently clean and treat her wounds. She grimaced every once in a while from the pain, but kept her tongue as well.

''Get some rest...I'll make you something to eat.'' The professor said softly before exiting the room and closing the door.

Emmy laid back down and turned to her side. She felt worn out. She didn't want to eat at all. Her body had felt repulsed by food since she started getting depressed. She missed the feeling of wanting food though. It had always brought her much joy to gulf down a good, warm plate of deliciousness. Right now, she hoped he wouldn't bring anything too substantial. She would surely throw up.

After some time, the professor returned with a bowl of soup and a glass of water on top of a tray. A few pills were placed next to the glass for Emmy to take after she had finished her meal.

Emmy had been trying to fall asleep in the meantime, hoping she would be able to postpone her inevitable dinner. Unfortunately, she had failed. She groaned when the smell of something savory hit her senses. It was just a light chicken soup, but it still made her feel sick.

''I know it will probably be hard to eat normally again, but for now I would like you to at least eat 3 times a day. We'll start slow. You don't have to finish what you can't get down.''

He was honestly being very reasonable. She knew that. But she still felt the need to protest.

The professor could see her protest coming from a mile away, and proceeded to force her up into a seated position.

''Hey!'' Emmy cried out.

The professor placed the tray on top of her lap and pointed down at the spoon.

''If it's too hard to eat, I'll feed you.''

Emmy felt her cheeks flush. She wasn't sure if it was out of anger, embarrassment or excitement, but she knew going against him would become a problem. She picked up the spoon and scooped it full with hot liquid.

''It's still hot...be careful.''

He had turned his back to her, giving her a full view of his broad back. She wondered what was going through his mind...

She put the spoon against her lips and sipped some of the soup inside. It felt nice against her sore throat. The taste wasn't bad either. She was surprised she was actually going to be able to keep some inside. The professor had in the meantime grabbed a chair and placed it next to the bed. He watched as she sipped slowly. It was obvious he intended to watch until she had finished it all. This became increasingly harder to do unfortunately, since Emmy could feel her stomach start to protest. She had eaten about halfway through the bowl, when she placed her hand in front of her mouth.

''It's alright.'' he whispered. ''Don't force yourself.''

His kind voice tugged at her heart.

''Try to take the medicine next. I'll take this away.''

She looked up to him and back down at the medicine. She really didn't want to take them. She wanted to keep feeling bad.

She grabbed the glass of water and the case of medicine, so the professor could take away the tray. She waited until he had left the room entirely to quickly chug the medicine under the mattress. He wouldn't have to know and there was no real place she could throw them out to. She took a few sips from the glass of water, so it would look like she had taken them and placed it on the bedside table next to her.

The professor walked back into the room not long after, not suspecting a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now let's hope she will come around...


	6. Emote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emote: The professor and Emmy have a fall-out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Will have depictions of violence.

A week had passed. Emmy had started eating more everyday, feeling better as well. She still wasn't taking her medicine, which was starting to become more difficult to hide.

The professor had been quiet. Uncharacteristically quiet. Hershel Layton had never been a man of many words. Emmy was usually the one to chatter during their trips somewhere, but she caught on to his silent demeanor and found it...strange.

She knew she was the reason why though.

Taking care of her must be taking a toll on his mental health. She had not been the easiest patient either. Always struggling and protesting to do the simplest task. She wondered if he was actually taking care of himself as well.

It was almost as if he was purposely avoiding talking about emotions. He would ask her things every once in a while. unrelated things, like how she was feeling, if she needed anything, if she was hungry. He had even stopped giving her puzzles...

It was morning when he had just finished cleaning up her breakfast, which she had almost completely eaten. He sat down on the chair next to the bed and stared at her arms. The bandages were thankfully still white, which he checked every moment he was with her. She hadn't dared to scratch open her wounds again. That would only cause trouble.

She waited for him to say something. He usually didn't just sit next to her in silence, so there had to be something...right?

''I've asked Andrew to come by.''

''Andrew...why would you do that?'' Emmy asked in a hushed voice.

''He cares about you too Emmy. I think...it's a good idea to surround you with people who care about you.''

''So that's why Luke hasn't visited.'' she said dryly.

The professor looked up at her face. Her eyes had turned cold and distant once again.

''Luke hasn't visited, because I told him not to.''

Emmy didn't want to hear it. She knew fully well that it would be a bad idea for Luke to see her in this state. She never even wanted him to know she existed anymore.

''I know it's still hard for you to walk, so I'll pick you up and take you to the couch. Andrew should be here soon.''

''Don't touch me...''

She knew she wouldn't be able to fight him, but she really did not want to come face to face with Andrew Schrader at the moment. The older fellow had been good to her in the past. She met him soon after she had first travelled with Luke and the professor. He was kind, intelligent and ever curious about the world. She understood very well why the professor was so fond of his old mentor.

After a few meetups, she quickly got to a first name basis relationship with Andrew and visited him regularly. They even went out for dinner a couple of times, just the three of them. Those were the days...but now, she would have to confront him. Another person that she never expected to see again after...after she chose a side.

''I won't take no for an answer my dear. I'm sorry.''

_Don't...don't apologize…_

He got up from his chair and removed the blanket from her body. She didn't resist. She didn't talk. It was all pointless.

He walked into the living room with Emmy in his arms, when the doorbell rang.

''There he is.'' he whispered in her ear, making her shiver.

His deep voice always did things to her she couldn't quite understand. He placed her down gently on the couch and fixed her blouse a bit so she would be more presentable. She had been wearing a loose blouse and shorts the past couple of days so he would have better access to her cuts.

She kind of wondered why he hadn't forced her to bathe yet. She actually hadn't taken a bath or shower since last week and she knew she reeked. She could think of a couple of reasons why he hadn't though. One would be because he didn't want to leave her alone in the bathroom, where she might be able to drown herself or inflict other damage. The other reason would be, because she still wasn't quite able to stand on her own just yet. He would have to undress her and place her in the tub...which would be somewhat against his gentleman code. Undressing a woman against her will...and all that.

The front door opened and Emmy could hear Andrew's voice. They were exchanging greetings and pleasantries. She could hear the professor invite him inside. She could also hear him apologize for the mess. She looked around and saw that indeed...it was quite messy.

The professor had never been the cleanest man. Luke and Rosa usually took care of that. Emmy herself had actually cleaned up his office more times than she would've liked.

She could tell from the level of messiness in the living room, that he hadn't really looked after himself that well either these past couple of days. Microwave meal packaging scattered around and the dishes were stacked up high in the kitchen. Somewhere she could feel an itch inside of her that told her that she should clean it up for him, but she remembered quickly what situation she was in...

''Emmy...how are you?'' Andrew's kind voice sounded through the room.

Emmy looked over and witnessed the small man take a seat next to her on the couch. He still looked the same since the last time she saw him. Always with that gentlemanly smile gracing his features and his grey beard framing his face. She used to love hearing him tell stories about all the adventures he'd gone on when he was younger. She could see the professor turning into the same kind of man later.

She turned her head to the other side, ashamed of her appearance in front of the older gent.

_What must he think of me?_

''I'm...fine Andrew.''

The professor had taken a seat on a chair on the opposite side of Andrew.

''Come now my dear, you know you can always be honest with me.'' Andrew said with a chuckle.

Pain and guilt ripped through her. How could the professor do this to her? He knew she wouldn't be able to lie to Andrew. Which...was probably the exact reason why he brought him in.

She heard the professor sigh.

''Emmy...could you please tell us...why you are doing this to yourself?''

How could he not know? How could he not understand? She had betrayed him. She had betrayed Luke, Aurora, Andrew, Rosa, Grosky….everyone she had started to care for these past couple of years. Everyone she had started to trust. Everyone that had started to trust her…

''I...I don't think I can…'' She mumbled.

Tears had started to form. They felt heavy in her eyes. She wanted so badly to stop them from falling, but she couldn't.

''It's alright my dear Emmy. We are your friends. We will be here to help you for as long as you need.'' Andrew said while placing his hand on her trembling shoulder.

''NO!'' Emmy yelled, surprising the both of them.

She yanked her shoulder free from his grip and clumsily moved away from the couch, barely being able to stand up straight.

''YOU ARE NOT MY FRIENDS.''

She tried to make a run for the door, but fell hard against the wall on the other side of the couch. The professor had gotten up and ran towards her. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her upright, struggling since she was protesting fiercely. She screamed, punched and scratched him with all her might. Andrew had gotten up as well and took off his bowler hat.

''Emmy...stop!'' The professor tried, but was faced with her surprisingly sharp nails.

''I think...it's best if I come back some other time my boy.'' Andrew said solemnly. ''She is not ready yet.''

''Clearly.'' The professor muttered, trying to avoid her wrath.

Andrew let himself out, leaving the fighting couple alone.

Emmy was trying to get the most out of her energy reserve today. She punched, scratched and yelled as much as she could manage, letting out all her anger and frustration. The professor felt it harder to not get forceful with her. Even though she wasn't that strong anymore, the punches and scratches still hurt.

He finally managed to grab her wrists and pinned her to the ground with a groan. Emmy tried to struggle out of his grip, but failed miserably. His hands gripped tightly around her, harder than she expected. He forced his legs on top of hers, so she wouldn't be able to kick him either.

She was stuck.

''Are you done now!?'' He yelled in her face, hoping it would startle her enough to stop.

* * *

He looked so angry. She had never seen him like this before.

''Well!?''

...She kind of liked it.

Emmy stopped struggling and watched him in awe. Her heart was racing and her breathing raggedly. He was not in much better shape.

''Why would you do something like that Emmy? Why? You know Andrew cares about you. I can't believe you!''

He was incredibly mad. It was easy to see. His face had contorted in an angry snarl, making her breath catch in her throat.

She was rather fascinated.

''Answer me!''

His grip on her wrists tightened some more, nails digging into skin. Her face felt hot. She could tell from the pressure in her lower abdomen that she was getting turned on. She closed her eyes and tried to focus.

* * *

The professor looked down at his former assistant, suddenly extremely aware of their position. The blush on her cheeks, the way she panted, the proximity of their bodies. It all became too much.

He removed his hands from her wrists and sat up in a rush. She opened her eyes and watched him with a disappointed look on her face. The professor tried his hardest to remain calm and catch his breath. What was she doing to him?

Her blouse had shifted during their struggle, revealing her bare shoulder and neck. It looked extremely kissable all of a sudden...

She had sat up as well and looked over to him with dazed eyes.

Why did she look so attractive to him right now? What was wrong with him?

He cleared his throat and got up from his spot on the ground. He turned around and tried to adjust his top hat, which had surprisingly gone missing.

''There…''

He turned around and looked over at Emmy, who pointed over to the front door. He could tell from her face that she had felt something similar during their struggle. Her cheeks were a fierce red color that made her look even more charming.

His hat had made quite the fall, but their struggle was also quite...a lot.

She had adjusted her blouse and placed her head on her knees.

''Why aren't you like that more often?'' She asked unexpectedly.

''Like what?'' he sighed while placing the hat back on.

''You know...emotional.''

He moved back and picked her up from the ground. To his surprise, she actually grabbed his shoulder for support this time. She hadn't shown any form of cooperation so far, so the gesture actually made him kind of happy.

He placed her back onto the couch and sat down next to her.

''I don't understand…''

''I've never seen you mad before professor. Not even when you had every right to be... I didn't think you were capable of doing that.''

The professor chuckled unamused.

''I'm not a robot you know.''

''Right…'' Emmy sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curious to know what you guys think. Please leave a comment!


	7. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension: He has to help her out. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Sexual tension?

He hadn't spoken to her since the fight. The silence felt suffocating to say the least. He had placed her back in bed and examined her wounds one last time before leaving the room.

Some time passed before he returned with lunch. Emmy immediately noticed the bandages stuck to his arms and neck.

_I must have done some damage..._

Guilt surged through her veins. She behaved like a child throwing a tantrum in front of two people she respected very much. She had also gotten turned on from one of those two people...a little side note she tried to bury in her thoughts. They probably didn't respect her anymore though...

Lunch was pretty dreadful as well. The professor had been staring at her with an unreadable expression in his eyes. When Emmy had forced the final piece of her salad through her mouth, she sighed loudly.

''Can we please not just sit here in complete silence?''

He stayed silent and frowned slightly.

Emmy placed the tray from her lap to the side and crossed her arms over her chest. She knew she was going to have to apologize. Even if she didn't want to.

''You're being a jerk.'' She mumbled under her breath.

The professor sighed.

''And you're being childish.''

''Oh, he finally graces us with an answer. Well hello, have you met me?'' She scoffed.

He stood up and moved the chair back to the wall. It looked like he had had enough of her nonsense. Emmy did not want to just let him walk away. The annoyance inside of her grew stronger, telling her to give him a piece of her mind. But...she had to apologize.

She had to.

''Fine...You know what, I'm going to be the better person here.'' She started.

He turned around and looked at her expectedly to see where this was going.

''I'm…I'm…s…''

How hard could it be to say sorry? Certainly not THIS hard right?

''God. I'm s...sorr...''

For some unknown reason, her eyes had started to water. The professor sat down next to her on the bed and placed his hand over hers. The small gesture and warm touch was too much. The tears that she had struggled to keep back fell down dramatically on their hands.

''I'm s...sorry.''

She said it.

''For?''

She looked up at him surprised.

His eyes were gentle. She could no longer detect any sign of anger or annoyance.

''Do I have to say?''

''I'd like you to.''

''Fine.'' She sighed. ''I'm sorry I hit you...and scratched you...and…''

''And?''

Her face had started to heat up, different emotions rattling her mind.

''And for yelling at Andrew...and you.''

She could feel a soft squeeze around her hand.

''Thank you.'' He whispered.

He didn't move. They just sat there for a moment, staring at each other, getting lost in each other's eyes. His hand was warm. It felt...nice. He eventually averted his gaze to the side. She noticed his cheeks had also flushed a little, just like she had felt her own do.

''I was thinking...Maybe you would like to take a bath? It's been a few days and I haven't really suggested it because…''

''I understand.'' She interjected. ''And I would honestly like a bath. Could you...help me?''

She had no idea why she felt so flustered all of the sudden. This used to be her boss for crying out loud. Her friend. She dried the tears from her cheeks and smiled a small smile. He nodded and casually picked her up from the bed. It had become increasingly easier to hold her. Not only did she start to cooperate, he could also tell they were starting to get comfortable with touching each other.

Although he would never admit that.

He carried her over to the bathroom and pondered how he should proceed. The issue was still that she couldn't really be left alone. She also couldn't get in or out of the bathtub without help. For now, he decided to place her on top of the toilet so he could collect his thoughts.

''Maybe I could keep my underwear on for now.'' Emmy thought out loud.

He looked at her, surprised. She was actually thinking about how to make things easier, instead of working against him.

''Alright. Let's try that.''

Emmy started to unbutton her blouse. The professor quickly turned towards the bathtub and cranked open the faucet.

_Hehe...He must be embarrassed._

After she had unbuttoned the last button, she suddenly realised a problem they would have to deal with before anything else. She had taken off her brain bed to be more comfortable after her meeting with Andrew, which now backfired.

''Um...professor?'' She asked softly.

Now she was the one that felt embarrassed.

He turned around and felt his heart rate speed up. Her blouse was open, covering just her shoulders and breasts. The middle part, revealing her stomach and cleavage was very much visible. And very much raising his blood pressure.

''I forgot my bra in the room...could you get it? It's under my pillow.''

Both their faces had turned bright red.

''Yes. Certainly.''

And with that, he dashed off.

Emmy continued to struggle with her shorts, which were not as easy to take off as she had thought. She just didn't have the strength to lift herself off of the toilet without using both her hands, which made it impossible to take off the short at the same time.

The professor returned quickly with her bra in hand and nearly choked when he saw the spectacle before him. Emmy, thinking she was clever, had turned her body sideways on top of the toilet to wiggle her way out of her shorts. In the meantime, she had gotten out of breath, hair dangling in front of her face and breasts nearly exposed. Her blouse had thankfully fallen gracefully over her chest, so they wouldn't be out and proud to the eyes of the good professor.

''Need some help?'' He chuckled, trying his very best not to sound afraid.

But he was afraid alright. Afraid to touch her and lose control. Afraid to say or do anything inappropriate.

''Yes...please..'' She sighed.

She had had enough.

The professor swallowed the lump in his throat and helped her back up in a seated position. He hesitated about the next course of action, or mostly how he would manage without ripped her underwear off as well.

''Can you lift your hips for me?'' He asked her, not daring to look her in the eyes after such a wild question.

She did as she was told and bit her bottemlip. He had put her bra on the cubbart to the side for now and carefully placed his fingers around the rim of her shorts. The small contact caused Emmy to involuntarily suck in a breath.

This little action did not go unnoticed by the professor.

He was careful to just pull down her shorts, without removing her underwear and placed them aside. Emmy had been staring at him in the meantime. If he didn't know any better, he could have sworn she was calling him closer somewhere deep in those chocolate brown eyes.

But those were just silly thoughts...right?

He turned around, so she could continue the rest in private.

Emmy could swear she was going to drive herself insane. Her head had been spinning with crazy thoughts about the professor. How she wanted him to push her down on the toilet and kiss her. To fondle her under her freshly opened blouse. To rip off her underwear and take her right then and there.

_I'm losing it._

She reluctantly closed the final clasp of her bra and cleared her throat.

''I'm done.''

He turned around, happy to see her ready for her bath. Somewhere, in a place he would never tell anyone about, he had hoped she would have been naked once he turned around.

He walked over the nearly full bathtub and checked the water. He hummed softly, agreeing with the temperature. He hoisted Emmy up once again, mentally cursing himself for relishing in the bare touch of her skin. He gently helped her down into the water until she was almost fully emerged.

Her shoulders, knees and head stuck out of the water. She sighed contentedly.

_I actually really needed this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God writing these two pining for each other is driving me insane.


	8. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discovery: It's time for a heart to heart talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Will have swearing and implied sexual actions.

''I would like to reapply the bandages, if you're up for it.''

''Ngk.''

Emmy was currently leaning against the bathroom sink, trying very hard to stand up straight on her own. She had asked for a try-out, since she had found it increasingly harder to deal with him touching her all the time. The past few days had been agony with him helping her in and out of the bathtub, or other times when he casually picked her up.

The professor watched her with his hands outstretched around her waist. He was afraid she wasn't strong enough just yet and stayed around in case she fell.

''Would you like to sit down first? This might be too much...''

''Yeah…'' Emmy muttered out, feeling her arms tremble and a droplet of sweat drip down her neck.

''Would you like me to pick you..?''

He was cut-off mid sentence when she finally fell forward, right into his arms. He quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her upward. Her warm, recently washed body felt absolutely amazing. He could only hope she wouldn't notice the strong beat of his heart.

''I suppose I should.'' He chuckled.

She groaned softly when he once again picked her up from the ground in bridal style. This was not what she wanted. Well...that's what she told herself.

Today, the professor had given her one of his own shirts to wear as pajamas. The things he had taken from her apartment, had started to run out and doing laundry was no option either, since his washing machine had tragically broken down. He knew he could just drive up to her apartment and get some more clothes...but he really didn't want to leave her alone for that long. Besides…

She looked really good in his shirt.

Emmy placed her head against his chest and sighed. She was really sick of not being able to do anything herself. Although it was her own fault entirely for not taking any medicine. Maybe if she had actually taken some of the pills, she would've been able to stand by now.

Doctor Frederickson had visited almost every day. Always worried. Always with new and stronger pills to try. At one point he had even suggested it was all in her mind. He desperately wanted to convince Emmy to talk to a professional, but she didn't want that. She could not allow herself such kindness. Maybe one day, she would be able to accept it. But for now, all she wanted was to figure out what to do next.

At first her plan had been obvious. She wanted to try and end it all, by taking her own life. This didn't work. She then tried to wait it out. Wait for her body to give up...that didn't work so well either. At the moment, the professor watched her every move. He helped her out with everything from bathing to eating to...well almost everything! The only thing he didn't do was watch her sleep.

She thought back to what she had said to the professor on the first day.

_''You know…I could stay here, regain my strength and than just walk out...you do realise that, right?''_

That was actually the better plan. Fully regain her strength, run away and find a reasonable way to remove herself from the picture.

The professor placed her down on the bed in the meantime in a seated position. He reached into the bag besides the bed and pulled out a roll of fresh bandages. She probably wouldn't need to wear those much longer, since the cuts had started to scab pretty well. Some of them would definitely turn into scars, but she didn't care.

''Roll up your sleeves.'' He ordered.

She did as she was told and watched him wrap her arms up as best he could. She sighed and placed her head against the bedrest, sick of him taking care of her. What she didn't calculate for however, was the shift in pills below the mattress. One of the little pills plopped out and landed right on to the floor. The professor had almost completely rebandaged her right arm, when a small tap on the ground caught his attention.

''What is…?'' He mumbled while reaching over to grab the pill.

He picked it up and brought it closer to his face. After careful examination, his eyes shot open wide. He got to his knees on the ground and looked under the bed.

''What are you…?'' Emmy asked.

''Not here...'' He grumbled, ignoring her question.

He moved up to inspect the nightstand. Also nothing. He then checked under her pillow, gaining him a soft grunt from Emmy and finally...under the mattress.

_What is he doing?_

His face turned to a frown when his hand met with the small pile of medication that had been stuffed directly under his patient. He grabbed as many as he could and placed them roughly on top of the nightstand.

''What are these?''

Emmy's eyes widened in shock.

_He found out._

''I...um…''

She didn't know what to say.

''I can't believe you Emmy…'' The professor sighed.

He pressed his fingers onto the bridge of his nose, trying hard to control his surging emotions.

He was going to get mad. She knew it.

_Why am I getting excited?_

''I see you have been lying to me about taking your pills. I suppose it is my own fault for expecting you to take them without my supervision. That's why you are still in so much pain…'' He mumbled.

''Are you...mad?'' She asked carefully.

''No. I...feel a little frustrated with myself, but that will pass of course.''

He threw her one of his courteous smiles, in the hope that she wouldn't press on.

''Why are you smiling?''

Emmy's face had darkened. He didn't understand...did she want him to get mad at her?

''Why aren't you mad at me?'' She whispered.

_So she does..._

''Getting mad at you isn't practical. It will only lead to...strong emotional discourse which I would like to avoid.''

Emmy laughed a dry, emotionless laugh. Something inside of her snapped. A certain need that begged to be fulfilled.

''What the fuck is wrong with you. Do you think I'm some kind of little girl that needs protecting? A fragile piece of glass that will break the moment you touch it?''

_What am I saying?_

''Well, let me tell you oh ''kind'' and ''respectable'' Professor Hershel Layton. I think you should speak your goddamn mind like you did before. You brought me here against my will, you force fed me, you constantly pester me to ''talk'' to people because I'm soooo sad. Well boo fucking hoo. You think you got me all figured out huh? Well, newsflash dipshit, you don't. It's so obvious that you have no idea what you are doing. Also, you are not my boss anymore, so I don't see the reason why I should do what you say. You really are out of your mind if you think I EVER intended to listen to you.''

She was out of breath. She hadn't spoken that much (or cursed that much) in a long time. She remembered almost never cursing in front of him. Maybe because Luke was there, or maybe because she wanted him to respect her.

Well he certainly didn't respect her anymore.

''Bring on the strong emotional discourse. I can handle it.''

The professor's eyes had vanished under the brim of his hat. She half-expected him to throw her out of his apartment without another word.

''Emmy, I need you to consider how I feel in this.''

''Right, so you would like me to emphatise with a fucking robot?''

''I would appreciate if you refrain from using such language.''

''Why? You don't like it when I say fuck?''

What the fuck was she doing. The strange heated feeling inside of her twisted into something maniacal. A whirlwind of desire and anger raged through her system with no intention of leaving.

''Emmy…''

_Get mad at me._

His tone had changed. She could tell. Before, he had a certain plea in his force, urging her to stop. A sympathy that rolled off the tongue. That was when the gentleman in him was in charge. Someone else was slowly taking over. Someone she was dying to meet.

His hands had bawled up, knuckled whitening from strain.

''Tell me Hershel. Oh you don't mind if I call you Hershel right? Well, It's not like it fucking matters anymore since i'm no longer your assistant. So, have you ever sworn in your life? I can't imagine you saying things like fuck or cunt or shit.''

She maniacally laughed at her own words. She kicked the sheets off her legs to release some of the heat that had started to build up. For some reason, she felt like she had some energy to spare.

''Did you ever ask a girl to let you fuck her?''

_Fuck me._

''Would you ever ask me to fuck you?''

The way she said it grew more and more sultry.

''Tell me Hershel, have you ever thought about me in that way?

She traced her finger over his knee and giggled.

He lifted his head up to meet her gaze. His burning gaze made her heart feel like it was pumping out of her chest. She opened her mouth ever so slightly, suddenly at a loss of words.

''Emmy Altava, if you think I'm going to let you disrespect me like that you are wrong.''

His voice was low and reverberated through her entire body, giving her goosebumps. She retracted her hand from his knee, but gasped when he roughly grabbed her by her wrist.

''What are you...''

''You are going to listen to me.''

It was almost like the fire in his soul had ignited. Somewhere it frightened her. But...it also got her even more excited.

He got up from his chair and pulled her up so she was forced onto her knees.

''You are going to behave.''

He grabbed her shoulder with his other hand and pushed her down onto the bed until she was completely on her back, with her wrist pinned above her head. Her breath caught in her throat when he lowered himself onto her, pressing his hard erection against her leg. He slowly maneuvered his other hand down to her free hand, keeping steady eye contact, and wrapped his fingers around hers. He brought the wrists together and expertly pinned them together under his left hand. He brought his right hand back down to her face and traced his thumb over her lower lip.

''And you are going to let me fuck you.''

Emmy swallowed hard.

She had no time to respond or think properly.

He crashed his lips against her and earned himself a soft whimper from the woman below him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frequently asked questions: ''Were you horny when you wrote this?''
> 
> Answer: ''Noooo...maybe...yes.''


	9. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After: The aftermath of what has happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Implied sexual actions.

A faint light cascaded through the curtains. The birds had started chirping and cars passed by. Emmy couldn't quite remember the last time she noticed things like that.

The sheets felt soft around her legs, but uncomfortably warm around her shoulders. She pushed the sheets down and turned against the warm body that had wrapped itself around her. The other body stirred, mumbling something incoherent in his sleep. She didn't want to wake him just yet, so she could take a moment to appreciate the man next to her in his sleeping form.

She could not believe things happened the way they did…

Not only did she behave completely unladylike, she had actually become brutishly unpolished and mentally unstable for a moment.

His relaxed face and soft breaths tugged fondly at her heart.

Yesterday was strange. She had never expected to have a fall-out like that. She knew he would find out about the pills eventually, yet she hadn't prepared her heart at all. The added lust didn't help. It only escalated the situation.

At first, the sex had been rough en passionate. He had pinned her against the bed, ripped off her clothing and ravaged her body with his hands and lips. She was surprised when he had asked for permission to enter...since he was pretty adament on letting him fuck her before. But...it was nice. Even though he was mad with anger and lust, he was still a gentleman. He would still ask for consent. He would still show her he cared...

When they had connected, his rough hands turned soft. Every little touch, every moan, everytime he whispered her name into her ear, it felt so good. Better than anything she had experienced in years. The memory of his lustful gaze was enough to turn her to putty.

When they finished, she cried again. He didn't say anything. He just held her and stroked her hair and...it was enough.

The comforting warmth from his body had quickly put her to sleep, unable to process what had happened any further.

Now here they were and she felt...happy? A car horn from outside startled her out of her thoughts. She was surprised to see a pair of sleepy eyes stare back at her.

Her heart clenched in her chest. She didn't know what to say. Should she be casual and say good morning? Should she kiss him? Should she be cold to him again?

_No...definitely not that last one._

To her surprise, he lifted up his hand towards her and stroked a stray hair out of her face. His lips curled into a small smile, which then contorted into a yawn.

She couldn't help but blush at the cute display.

He turned onto his back and stretched for a moment before relaxing again. He sighed and weaved his hand through his hair. For some reason, he looked...sad.

''I'm...sorry Emmy.''

Her heart sank.

His face had turned to a frown.

_He regrets it._

Tears once again welled up in her eyes. She didn't want to let them fall. She didn't want to show him that she cared. That she had actually wanted this for a long time.

The urge to get up and jump out of the window once again increased.

''I, uhm, I shouldn't have been so forceful. You deserve better than that.''

_What._

''To be perfectly honest, I had trouble keeping myself in check ever since we had our little struggle in the living room. Something...animalistic almost had started to present itself inside of me and...I'm really sorry.''

He turned his head to look at her. To his surprise, Emmy was actually smiling? The biggest toothy grin was plastered on her face, while streams of tears darkened the pillow below her head.

''Uh...are you alright?''

''Yes.'' She said and started rubbing the tears from her eyes. ''I thought you were going to say you regretted it.''

''What? Oh, no my dear! I definitely did not regret the act itself. Just the way it was initiated.''

She laughed out loud, now tugging fondly at the gentlemans heart.

''Thank god…''

She snuggled close and placed her head on his shoulder. He in turn wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him.

''I'm sorry for yesterday as well. And for the day before...and the week before...and I guess everything.'' Emmy mumbled against his neck.

''I don't expect you to make a complete turn around my dear. Don't be too hard on yourself. We are going to work this out together, I promise. I wish...you would see yourself the way I do.''

She turned her head up to meet his gaze and nodded.

''I wish I could too.''

She felt his lips press against her forehead, making her sigh. For the first time since she had to turn and betray him...she felt like she could experience happiness again one day.

* * *

A few hours had passed and the two of them had just gotten out of bed. Emmy looked at one of the clocks they passed on their way to the living room and confirmed it to be just past noon. She used to love sleeping in, but knew the professor was definitely a morning person. He must have been pretty tired…

_Maybe some physical activity has worn him out..._

She inwardly smiled at her own thoughts. She still could not believe it had actually happened. She had slept with her ex-boss/friend/crush? What would their relationship be like from now on? Would he keep helping her and part in the end like unlikely friends? Maybe he would want her back as his assistant...Emmy wouldn't be able to accept that though. She wanted to be at his side...now more than ever, but as an assistant? That would be too painful. There was also Luke to consider. She still hadn't talked to the boy after everything and she was pretty sure he didn't know what was going on at the moment either.

''Emmy.''

She looked up from her spot on the couch, on which he had just placed her and eyed the professor curiously.

''I would like you to talk to me if there is anything on your mind. Could you do me that favor?''

''Okay...I'll try.'' She mumbled, still unsure of her plans.

Everything had kind of changed after all.

''Good. Now, what would you like for breakfast?'' The professor turned to look at the clock on the wall and hummed. ''Or lunch I suppose.''

''Some eggs would be nice.''

''Consider it done.''

He walked over to the kitchen and started preparing their breakfast/lunch. Emmy leaned back against the couch and thought deeply about the situation. She was going to have to decide pronto if she still wanted to continue her self destructive path...or consider something a little more positive. She supposed it all really depended on the professor at this point...but she didn't want to put that kind of pressure on him. Not now. Not after last night.

She wanted to enjoy this feeling just a little longer. His caring hands. The way he smiled at her. The small touches and kisses.

_You got it bad girl._

Oh she knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reread this story and am a strong believer that this sucks lol. I put a lot of emotion into most of these chapters without actually trying to write a decent story. You can literally see my mood change from sad to horny...so yeah. Might rewrite some of the chapters. Will definitely try to actually put some more effort into it.
> 
> So! Small update. I have completely rewritten all of the chapters so far :) It took some time, but I'm a little more satisfied with the flow of the story. I have changed a few things, like the timeline. At first, the last three chapters had happened in 1 day. Now, it is spread out over a longer period of time.
> 
> Thanks for reading so far! I appreciate any feedback :)


	10. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk: A long awaited talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Will have wholesome moments.

''How would you feel about seeing Luke again?''

Emmy coughed into her cup of tea, surprised by the sudden question from the man next to her.

''Sorry.'' He said with a smile while wiping away the tea on her chin. ''You've really improved in the last couple of days and I think Luke would be thrilled to see you again.''

''I don't know Hershel…'' She sighed.

She had been calling him by his first name ever since they fought and...did many more things. Calling him professor just didn't feel right anymore. It felt too formal. He didn't mind either. He actually quite enjoyed it.

''You don't have to if you're uncomfortable with it of course, but just...think about it.''

''Hm.'' She hummed in agreement.

The last few days were really nice. Emmy had agreed to try and tell him everything that was on her mind. In exchange, he would not only listen and be there for her, he would also stop surveilling her at every possibility. She felt like she was treated like a grown-up instead of a child that still really needed a babysitter. He would still join her on every other occasion though, since they had started really enjoying each other's company.

It was new and fragile. It was strange and unorthodox. It was...warm and thrilling.

He had tidied up the guest room and permanently moved back into his own bedroom, next to her. They hadn't done anything since the first experience besides some lingering touches, soft hugs and the occasional stolen kiss. He had admitted on the third night that he felt like it was wrong to act the way he did. He didn't want to give in to his urges until she felt better.

She felt the same way.

The hunger had been satisfied anyway. For now, all she wanted was to be close. To feel his warmth and watch him sleep peacefully.

The thoughts about taking her own life and hurting herself had been pushed aside. Although they were still present, something more important had surfaced. Something that she wanted to explore. To blossom into something real.

She often woke up, thinking back to uncertain times when all she wanted was his approval. To the moments where he would treat her as any colleague or any acquaintance and she was alright with that. How could she not have seen in him what she saw now? How could she not have wanted in him what she wanted now? What had changed…

Maybe it was because he cared and stayed when no one else seemed to. Maybe it was because he showed a side to him that she hadn't seen before. All was possible. Nothing solid.

Right now, she was sure of one thing. She needed to ask him.

''Hershel?''

The professor had been busy with the dishes in the kitchen. She had mentioned in passing that maybe he should start to take care of himself before he would take care of others, which he whole-heartidly agreed on. He had started cleaning up after that. He even prepared a few full on meals with Emmy's help. She had also made some progress. She had been able to stand up more and more each day. Today, she was even able to walk from the bedroom to the kitchen without a break.

She had been so happy, she had walked up to him, taken his face in her hands and kissed him full on the lips in celebration.

He didn't mind.

''Yes my dear?''

''When you're done with that, could you please come sit with me?'' She asked timidly.

She felt nervous.

He turned his head halfway and nodded.

''Of course! Anything you need before that? Glass of water perhaps?''

She smiled warmly and shook her head.

''No, that's okay thanks.''

Once he had finished doing the dishes, he walked back into the living and took a seat next to his former assistant. Emmy had been fumbling with her shirt, unable to look him straight in the eyes.

He took notice of the action and reached out to take one of her hands.

''Are you...alright?''

''Yes...fine.'' She mumbled.

She could feel her face heat up slightly.

_Stop it Altava._

''I was wondering…''

He hummed to indicate he was listening and squeezed her hand softly.

''After all of this is over...and I recover, do you think you would...We should...Do you think I…''

''Yes?'' The professor chuckled.

''Ugh, what am I doing?'' Emmy sighed.

''I'm not completely sure, but I think I have a feeling where this is going.''

''Really?''

She looked at him surprised. He knew? How she felt…?

''I have to say...I'm not completely sure what will happen after you recover.''

Her heart stinged slightly.

''But,'' He continued. ''I hadn't expected something like this would start between us either to be perfectly honest. At first it seemed like a combination of frustration and lust...but now, I am uncertain.''

''Me too.''

She sat up straight and moved a little closer to his side.

''I...enjoy being with you Emmy. It's almost like you were always supposed to be here...with me.''

Her heart swelled.

_He wants this? Just like me?_

''I enjoy spending time with you as well. The only thing I'm afraid of is that I'm relying on you too much. I'm not sure if I would relapse the moment we separate.'' She sighed.

''How do you feel...when you think back to everything that has happened.''

''I feel...regret. I feel pain when I think about you and Luke seeing me turn against you. I feel lost when I think about uncle Bronev showing his true colours. I feel...sad when I think about myself...doing those things.''

It had been a few days since she had last cried. A few small tears travelled down her cheeks, but were quickly wiped away by his hand.

''I know this sounds a little strange, but I think it's good that you feel sad about that.''

''That's definitely strange.'' She laughed while rubbing her eye.

''Good as in...it's better than you feeling a sense of longing for those times. I believe from what you have told me, that you wanted nothing more than to feel pain and hurt yourself as punishment for what you had done.''

''Yeah...I did. I wanted to feel it. To attone.''

''Do you still feel that way?''

''No...I don't.''

Her eyes widened in surprise at her own words.

''I...don't?''

''In my eyes, that means you are well on your way to recovery.''

He wrapped one of his arms around her and pulled her close.

''That makes me really happy.'' He whispered in her ear.

Another few tears fell on his shirt. This time...they were happy tears.

''I guess that means I'm ready to see Luke.''

''He would love to see you. I actually spoke to him this morning and explained vaguely what your situation was.''

Emmy pulled back from their hug with a frightened expression.

''What exactly?''

''I told him you felt lost these past couple of weeks. I told him you were afraid to see him because you felt like he wouldn't want to see you again after what had happened. Do you want to know what he said in response?''

Emmy nodded and looked at the professor with eyes full of fear and hope.

''He said you must be crazy if you think he wouldn't want to see you anymore. His words. He also told me to tell you that he was actually planning on pranking you on your return. He was going to stuf your camera pouch with pudding as revenge. He then continued to explain how banana pudding would be more effective than strawberry pudding, so I think he means business.''

Emmy giggled and buried her face against his shoulder.

''Really?''

''Hm, yes I believe he had already forgiven you the moment you chose to sacrifice yourself together with us to save everyone. Of course he did feel bad about it for a moment, as did I, but we both know you are a good person Emmy. We know you had your reasons and we didn't care as long as you were happy.''

The tears returned with a vengeance, making Emmy sob into his jacket.

After a moment, she calmed down a bit and moved back to wipe off his jacket and her own face.

''Luke should have known I actually love banana pudding.'' She grumbled. ''Not a very good strategy if you ask me.''

The professor chuckled and helped her clean up. The rest of the day was spent reminiscing about their adventures and making plans for the future. Emmy hoped she would be able to part with her dark self that still lingered in the back of her mind, but she knew with the help of those around her, that it would be possible one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if I will continue this story. Not really getting any feedback, so I'm not sure if it's really worth putting more time into. I did enjoy writing this since it portrays some experiences I had. This chapter felt like it could be a nice end note to this story. I might continue if the mood strikes, or if there is any wish for it.
> 
> Thanks for reading it anyway!


	11. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relapse: Emmy has started to recover. The professor plans a meet-up with Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Strong depiction of self-harm. Please do not read if you are sensitive to this.

''Are you ready?'' He asked while giving a reaffirming squeeze to her hand.

''I...think so.'' Emmy sighed.

Today was the day. The day she would see Luke again. The day she would come face to face with one of the victims from her mistake. The biggest victim at that.

''Clark is bringing him over. They should be here any minute now.''

''Is Clark coming in too?''

''No. I asked him to wait outside. I had a feeling you wouldn't like the extra set of eyes.''

''Thank you.''

She huddled up close against his chest, afraid of the rush of emotions she was about to experience. The past week had been nice. The professor had waited with calling over Luke and focussed solely on Emmy's happiness and well being. She had actually started smiling every now and again, which even turned into a giggle from time to time. They also started building up a routine to stick to, on advice from the doctor.

She would have to get up at a set time every day and also go to bed on a set time. In the morning she would have to try a bit of exercise to strengthen her body, in the afternoon she would have to think about what to do in the future and in the evening she was able to spend time together with the professor. Not that he wasn't there in the morning and afternoon, but the evening was all about relaxing. All about happy things, talking about absolutely everything and nothing and finding comfort in the other's presence.

That had obviously become her favorite time of day. The professor had also slowly become more affectionate. He was keen on casually wrapping his arms around her, holding her hand and kissing her when the timing was right. He was still adamant on their agreement when it came down to anything more, but she could tell his guard was dropping ever so slightly.

At the moment they were sitting on the couch in await of their guest. Emmy could hear her heart drum loudly in her ears. Flashbacks from the last time she talked to Luke raged through her mind. Her breathing was quickening in panic.

_What if he hates me? What if he lied to Hershel about being okay with me. What if he is awkward around me? What if he only does this because he wants Hershel's approval?_

''Emmy…?''

She looked up from her position against his chest, finding his worried gaze staring down at her. She realised what she had been doing. She had clutched his shirt, almost tearing the fabric out of its place. She had been shaking violently as well, almost shivering her way off of the couch.

''It's going to be okay my dear. I promise.''

He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head to reassure her. She took a deep breath in and out to calm herself. She couldn't just be a mess in front of Luke. She had to focus. She had even dressed up a bit today.

A small knock on the front door could be heard through the living room. The professor got up from his place and started walking over to open it. Before he turned the corner, he turned around one last time to give Emmy a warm smile and a quick nod. It probably meant something along the lines of ''You got this.''

The door opened and Emmy could hear an exchange between Clark and Hershel. They hadn't seen each other in a while either.

''So, i'll just be waiting in the car then. Luke, if you need me or want to go, just let me know okay?''

No answer.

_Maybe he just nodded. Why is he so silent...That's nothing like Luke. Is he nervous? Is he scared? Oh god, does he think I'm gonna hurt him again? Does he think…_

''Hi Emmy.''

Emmy slowly turned to the origin of the voice that had called out and witnessed the small boy in blue enter the living room. The professor followed close after and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.

''Why don't you sit next to Emmy my boy. I will make you some tea.''

''Okay professor!'' Luke beamed at his mentor.

The boy sat down next to Emmy as told and looked up at her.

''So...how are you?'' He asked softly.

''I'm...doing better.'' Emmy smiled.

''Good. I'm glad.''

Emmy's heart was pounding so loud she could swear it would jump out of her chest any moment now.

''I...er...really wanted to see you again Emmy. Even though some stuff went down before. I don't think you are a bad person and I think you should know that.''

Emmy thought that those words were exactly the ones she wanted to hear. But...for some reason...all emotions started to leave her body after he had so kindly said them. All the happy emotions. All the sad ones. All the complacent ones. Gone.

_Why….where?_

The rest of the afternoon was spent making small talk. Luke quickly turned back into his regular self, with taunts, jokes and the occasional puzzle. Emmy tried to put on a front as best as she could, while in the meantime trying to find out why her mind was working the way it did.

After a few hours, Luke got up from his spot, thanked the professor for the tea and their time and left.

''Well, I think that went well, don't you?'' The professor asked when he returned from waving them goodbye.

''I..uh..I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick.'' Emmy returned.

''Sure. I'll be cleaning up a bit. Afterwards we could perhaps continue that board game we started yesterday.''

His smile brightened up rooms, she was sure of that.

''Let's!'' She fake smiled back at him and turned around towards the bathroom.

She thanked whatever gods that he didn't monitor her anymore like he had before. That way she could at least do the thing she had been planning since the last hour or so. She locked the bathroom door behind her and sighed deeply. She knew this was a bad idea. She knew this was absolutely not what she should be doing.

But she was going to do it anyway.

He was already too late anyway. He couldn't stop her. She had locked the door.

_This is not good...I need...to feel something._

She knew she had to act fast otherwise he would start to notice. Now...what to do. Her brain strangely felt clear after everything. It might have been more clear than it had ever been. No one was telling her what to do, like her superiors at Targent. No one was forcing her into a job she doesn't want, like uncle Bronev. No one is saying she shouldn't hurt herself...like the professor.

She walked up to the bath and looked around for a moment. She caught her reflection in the mirror and stared at her empty eyes. It reminded her of that moment in her own bathroom. The start of it all. She could smash his mirror and cut herself like she had tried before. No...that won't work. The professor would hear the mirror shatter.

She looked forward to the bathtub. She thought back to her first bath here. The feeling of relief when she had sunken into the warm water.

_Relief._

That's what she wanted. She moved forward and turned the faucet on. Maybe then he wouldn't hear her. He wouldn't question her actions. Somewhere she felt bad for putting this on him. For putting this in his bathroom. But he just shouldn't have helped her in the first place.

She sat down in between the bathtub and the cabinet. She breathed in deeply, oxygen filling up her lungs, hoping it would spark an idea. She still didn't really know what to do. What to do to make it all go away. She opened the cabinet and searched for something inside that could help her. She closed her eyes, almost giving up on her quest, when something sharp passed by her finger.

She moved her hand back and stared at the small droplet of blood that made its way down her finger and onto her hand. She looked in the cabinet and found a small razor blade. A small spark of joy ignited in her.

She had found something.

She sat back down and smiled at the small object between her fingers.

''It might not be enough.'' She whispered to herself. ''But it will have to do for now.''

She lowered the blades onto her arm and passed it by her skin in a fast motion.

_Relief._

There it was. That feeling she had been craving. The simple touch of a feeling. She repeated the action a few times until her skin had broken up entirely. The small droplets that had formed after the first cut quickly turned to thick streams that stained her shirt, pants and the floor.

She relished in the throbbing ache for a moment, before moving over to her other arm. She stared at the scars that had already formed after her first attempt weeks before. She wondered if these would also turn to scars to remind herself of everything. She was willing to try.

It didn't take long for her arms to be completely cut open. She dropped the razor with a sigh. The pain lasted for another moment, giving her a small speck of joy in her heart. She could also feel a sensation close to pride. Like she was proud to be able to do this to herself.

''Emmy?''

It didn't shock her that he had finally taken notice of her absence. He would come around sooner or later. She was sure this would be a turning point for them. He would probably give up and send her to a madhouse or some institution. There was only so much the man could take after all.

He was going to be alright. He had many friends that would be there to catch him, if he were to fall from this. He had his parents. He had Luke.

''Emmy, are you in there? Are you taking a bath?''

Oh, right. The water was running. She had completely forgotten.

''I'm starting to worry a little my dear. Could you please say something?''

She didn't want to.

A moment passed and the only sound present was the rushing of the water into the bathtub. Suddenly, without warning, a loud bang crashed against the bathroom door. For some reason, it didn't startle her.

_He's trying to break in._

A second bang followed suit, budging the door only slightly. He continued to try and break through the door, cursing every now and then. She could tell he was out of breath. He screamed loudly the last time, when the door finally gave in and broke loose from its hinges. The door came crashing through the frame, with an exhausted and frustrated professor not far behind. He looked inside and met eyes with the damaged lady on the floor.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw what she had done to herself. She expected him to yell. She expected him to plead or to slap her across the face. Or maybe all of the above. What she hadn't expected however, was for him to move close, turn off the tap, pick her up and carry her to the bedroom.

He sat down on the bed and curled her body against his. He had his left arm wrapped around her waist and his fingers on her arm and his right hand weaved through her hair. He still hadn't said anything. He still hadn't hit her or yelled or pleaded. She could hear his steady breathing and his fast beating heart.

She was waiting.

His breathing became unsteady, when a few tears escaped from his eyes. They landed on her legs. He didn't do anything else for a few minutes than to just hold her and cry a few tears. Like he was processing everything.

Emmy still didn't feel much.

No remorse. No joy. No fear. No sadness.

Only the ache from the self-inflicted cuts on her arms.

She half expected him to just never talk again, until he placed the hand that had been situated on her arm, on her cheek. He moved her head down to meet directly with his eyes and placed their foreheads together.

''I'm so sorry.''

Crocodile tears flowed down her own cheeks, unexpectedly overflowing from the burst of emotions that rushed through her entire body. She closed her eyes and hiccuped through the sobs. Her body started shaking violently against him. She clamped his shirt tight and buried her face against the crook of his neck.

''No...pl..please don't.''

''Shhh….it's okay.'' He whispered in her hair.

He pulled her even closer against him and squeezed her tight while she poured out everything that had been bottled up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurting yourself is never the answer.
> 
> Thanks for a few of you who pushed me to keep writing this story. Although it's a bit tough to write, it's definitely nice to get it out there.


	12. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark: It's dark outside. Everything feels odd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.
> 
> Warning: Angst.

''What the fuck is wrong with me.'' she whispered.

''Nothing is wrong with you. You are going through some things that are too much for you to handle by yourself.'' he answered in a hushed voice.

Several hours had passed and they had just been laying on the bed wrapped in each other's arms. The professor had cleaned her wounds and bandaged her cuts. He had fallen down on the bed next to her afterwards, too tired to do anything else. Both of their eyes were puffy and red from the tears.

''Why are you still able to help me like this?''

''Because...I care for you Emmy. More than you know.''

They had just been talking like this. Speaking their minds and hearts. He didn't correct her. He didn't mention her bad language. He just listened and answered her questions. Every now and then Emmy could feel another wave of emotions come to the surface, to which he just pulled her close and let her weep. It was all he could do for now.

The sky had turned dark in the meantime. They were both hungry, but neither could move. They would survive, even if it meant delaying some food intake. The emotional toll of getting up and doing anything just felt too much.

''I care for you too.''

''I know.''

''...Can I ask you something?''

''Anything.''

''I don't know how to say it.''

He moved his hand up from her waist to her chin and angled it so they would be face to face.

''Describe it.''

She moved a little closer to press a soft kiss on his lips.

''It feels really dark and light at the same time. I...I don't know. I want to run away from you and never bother you again, but I also want to crawl into you shirt and never let go.''

A small smile graced his darkened face. It had become so dark she could barely see him anymore.

''I understand.''

''You do?''

''I do. I want to chain you down with shackles to my bed and lock you up in this room, but at the same time I want to go back to how things were.''

''Before I betrayed you?''

''I suppose.''

''Would you still have me as your assistant?''

''No.''

''Oh…''

''But only because I don't think I could act professional with you around.''

It was her turn to smile now. It felt good to smile.

''What's that supposed to mean.''

He in turn now moved down for a kiss on her lips.

''Many things.''

They pressed their foreheads together and closed their eyes. Emmy was sure she would be able to fall asleep like this, but she didn't really want to. She wanted to just lay here in the dark and talk to him forever. It felt comforting. It felt relaxing. It felt real.

''I don't think we should remove the bandages for a while.'' he murmured.

''Well...duh.''

''I mean, even after you are healed. I think it might help to deter you from trying anything else.''

''Do you think I would do it again?''

''You might. I'd rather be ahead of the game.''

''Hm..''

Every now and then a light from a car outside would pass and brighten the room. It was in moments like these that Emmy opened her eyes to look at him. To look at the man she was tormenting so.

She stared at him and waited for the light to pass. When the darkness returned, she kept staring, afraid that she would lose him.

''Do you think Luke noticed?''

''No. I got a message from Clark right after they left saying he thought it went pretty well. He really liked seeing you again.''

''I'm glad.''

''Do you think you could see him again?''

''Eventually.''

She could feel his fingers trace down her spine. She sighed and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He was warm. It felt so good to just lay here and be with him.

''Do you think…'' she started.

''Hm?''

''That it's your fault?''

He stayed silent for a moment, contemplating her question.

''You said you were sorry before. So...'' she continued.

''I...don't know. I think I do.''

''Why?''

She moved up to look at him. She had to see if he was lying.

''I shouldn't have forced Luke's visit on you like that. I think it might have been better to wait. That's why.''

His eyes were sincere.

''Hershel…''

A few tears escaped over her cheeks, down onto his shoulders.

''I know...were going to keep blaming ourselves for this, aren't we?'' he chuckled under his breath.

''Yeah...probably.''

She cried against his chest. He held her close. The same pattern all night long. One day she was sure they would be happy. If that was together or apart was still unsure. But she knew this would not last. Even though her soul felt like it had shattered into pieces. All of his efforts were at least keeping them together.

Maybe in a few years, she would find the glue to return to a place where she could truly be happy. But that was still a long way from now.

After another hour or so, he had pulled the blanket over their bodies. Emmy was thankful. She had gotten cold. The clock on his wall read 03:41. They should probably just rest.

She could tell he was falling asleep. His breathing was slowing down and his body relaxed. She felt glad. At least he had tired himself out enough to be able to fall asleep. She only hoped he wouldn't suffer through any nightmares.

''I love you…'' she whispered.

She had been whispering it for a couple of nights now. Only after she was sure he had fallen asleep. She knew she would be able to tell him during the day, but she was too scared to do so. He didn't deserve it. A woman who was going to keep him tied down in anxiety and depression like this.

She was sure about her feelings for him. She was also sure he cared for her too. But it was too much.

She closed her eyes again and tried to let the sleep consume her as well. She could feel her stomach ache for something substantial, but it would have to wait until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A dark night can reveal many things.


	13. Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Survive: A few months have passed. They are surviving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Professor Layton franchise.

A fine line between living and dying. Between okay and not okay. Between her and him. She had to deal with this these past few months. She had relapsed a couple of times. Sometimes worse than others. He had always been there for her. Catching her when she fell. Pulling her back up. Sometimes she would have to be there for him. Reassure him it wasn't his fault. Hugging him close and asking for forgiveness he had given long before. It wasn't the healthiest relationship but they managed. They were broken and pieced each other together when they couldn't do it themselves.

Luke had been there as well. A mature little man that understood the weight of his words. The weights of his actions. Emmy had loved every second she spent together with Luke. Talking about the good old days when they would have fun and screw around. He would always try to lift Emmy's spirits. Even when she was at her lowest. Sometimes he would try instead of the professor, who had resumed work and wasn't around.

Emmy had no energy to work. She barely had any to go outside. She would try to do some chores around the house everyday. Although on some days, just getting out of bed was a chore in itself. Compared to those days back in her own apartment, she was doing much better. She barely hurt herself anymore, afraid that she would disappoint those around her. She tried to shower, eat and get dressed everyday as well, even on the days she couldn't keep it down. Others visited as well. Grosky tried to come by at least once a week to check on her. Always concerned, never late. Andrew had come by as well. After the first time, Emmy had been so afraid to face him again. His kind words and even kinder understanding brought tears to her eyes. She had truly made some very good friends in this world. Ones that would be there in her most desperate times.

Today was a quiet day. Emmy had been able to get out of bed, get dressed and even prepared a nutritious meal for when Hershel would come back home. She had taken up her favourite spot in the window seat with a good book and a cup of tea. Some time had passed when she put the book down for a moment to look outside. The sun peeked out every once and again through the thick layer of grey clouds in the sky. It had been getting colder lately but Emmy didn't mind. Colder weather meant hot chocolate, warm blankets and even warmer hugs. She sighed as she thought about combining those three real soon when Hershel came home. A fond feeling cursing through her as she imagined christmas. Presents for Luke, who would surely eat all the candy before dinner. Maybe a next level dumbbell for Grosky, seeing as he complained about the lack of weights in his gym. A good book about herbology for Andrew, since he said he was interested in studying something else for a change. And what would she get Hershel? A book? A puzzle?

A thought dawned on her. She was actively thinking about christmas. Something that wasn't going to happen for another few months. She was actively thinking about the future...where she was alive. Something she hadn't realised she might have been doing for some time now. Everyday she started with thinking about her activities for the day. This had blended into her thinking about the upcoming week, month…and now even further ahead. She couldn't quite believe it but she was actually truly recovering. A hesitant smile crept up her face. The warm cup of tea in her hand shook slightly as a couple of teardrops fell down. This was the first time in a long time that she cried tears of happiness. She hadn't noticed in the meantime that the front door had opened and closed. Hershel walked in, not expecting a crying Emmy in his windowsill. He rushed over, dropping his suitcase and coat in the process, thinking that something was wrong.

''I'm fine! I'm fine, really.'' Emmy said while wiping away the tears from her face with her sleeve. ''Sorry 'bout that.''

''Why are you crying?'' he asked in a soft voice.

He sat down next to her and sighed in relief when he noticed a smile beneath her red nose.

''I kind of surprised myself.'' she said.

He raised his eyebrows in response to question her.

''Well…-'' she started and placed her hand on top of his. ''-I was thinking what to get you for christmas.''

''Christmas?'' the professor asked her amused. ''My dear, that isn't for three more months.''

''I know, but I was just thinking...and I realised,-'' she leaned forward and leaned her forehead against his shoulder. ''-I was thinking about the future...our future.''

''Oh.''

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her a little closer against him. She looked up and met with a pair of slightly cold lips.

''Cold.'' she mumbled against him, gaining her a chuckle from the gentleman.

A rumble from somewhere below them caught Emmy's attention. She leaned back and laughed.

''Sorry! I totally forgot. I have made dinner! I just need to heat it up.''

''That's fine.'' he said while snuggling his face in the crook of her neck. ''That can wait.''

''Hershel?''

''Hm?''

''Do you think...maybe...that we could...I don't know…''

She could feel her cheeks and ears burn. She didn't want to ask him like this, but she knew she had to, since it was a delicate issue. He had promised her after all...that he wouldn't touch her unless they felt like they were both in a healthy enough place to accept each other like that. Although they had almost broken that promise several times. He slowly moved his face up from her neck until he was facing her directly. He was rather close, with his nose touching hers.

''I think we can.''

He knew what she was talking about then.

''Now?'' she said so soft it was just a breath.

He moved in a little closer so their lips would touch just barely.

''Now.''

* * *

She weaved her hands gently through his hair and tried to withhold a giggle when he snored ever so softly against her. What a night it had been. Compared to the first time, everything had been so different. He had been loving throughout the entire experience, caring for her in a way she couldn't describe. Afterwards, they had shared a nice candlelight dinner that ended up in a second round on the couch.

She finally felt confident enough to tell him the truth after that. How she truly felt about him and about their future. How badly she had been wanting to tell him that. He had kissed her deeply in response, happy to finally be able to reciprocate. He had loved her for a long time as well. He admitted that he had wanted to tell her sooner, but felt too afraid to do so in this situation. She understood. She was afraid as well. He couldn't believe that she had been whispering it to him every night when he had fallen asleep. All she could do was laugh. Now they were laying intertwined in their bed, his slow breathing telling her tales.

''I love you.'' she whispered, a ritual enclosed into her heart.

''Hm...love you…'' he mumbled back, surprising her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is it for the story Falling Apart! I have thought about several ways to end this story and many of them were on a sad note. I decided to end it on a happy one because I want to reflect the character's journey of that of a positive one like mine. Even if you go through something horrible that makes you want to end it all or hurt yourself, please understand that given time, love and kindness, you can one day surprise yourself just like Emmy did.
> 
> Know that you are loved. If not by those around you. Know that I do.


End file.
